My Mamaw's Move

Well, it's been forever (10 months or so) since I've written a blog post. Why? I don't really know to be honest.

Maybe because I like to have good well written thoughts to share. Maybe because I have struggled to know how I want to use this space with the meteoric rise of Facebook usage in my life and the availability of Twitter (but I haven't tweeted yet). Maybe because I've been crazy busy lately with many projects — our CRM implementation at work and our church Web site to name only the largest two projects.

But I'm back . . . not because I'm afraid Google will forget this blog ever existed (if you've read me at all, you know that's not my motivation) . . . not because it's just time after a long hiatus . . . not because I've figured out a strategy to use my blog, Facebook, and Twitter (I haven't yet) . . . but because today was a very emotional day and tomorrow will be even more so and I need to organize my thoughts and get something down for the record (my record and for my kids later use).

I will miss my Mamaw terribly!! No, she hasn't died or anything — she's just moving to Houston to be under my mother's love and care instead of under mine. This was a very mutual decision and we are all happy and pleased with it, including me. So, this is just to get my feelings out there on the table.

Until we started contemplating this move, I hadn't really realized just how close I was to my Mamaw and how she's literally always been close by. We haven't lived in a different city since I was in college and I came home all the time anyway. I lived with my Mamaw before I got married. She continues to be a key influence on my Christian walk and has been a wonderful model and discipler for me since I was a young boy. She modeled and was a visible reminder for me of Ephesians 3:18 " to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." She is a bastion of unconditional love, selfless service, and sweet encouragement.

I remember my other grandmother, Gran Gran, very fondly and she passed away when I was close to 11 (or somewhere around there). Gran Gran was another wonderful woman — what a blessing those women were and are to me, I truly would not be half the man I am today without their influence. One of my heart's desires is for my children to have fond memories of their Mamaw! I want them to remember
* that she was at all of their events,
* that she called them all the time,
* that she fawned over their creations at church or school like she was in the Louvre,
* that she always wanted to feed them and take care of their every need (whether real or perceived),
* that she loved them for who they were and not who everyone else wanted them to be,
* that she saw through all of their faults and focused her praise on their strengths,
* that she was a genuinely joyful and loving person, and
* that she was a reflection of the God that she loves so much.

Okay, okay, she's not dead . . . but I am grieving. Grief is an emotion felt when something is lost. I feel like I am losing the ability for my kids to continue to get to know her and build memories with her (they are ages 5-10). I feel like I am losing the opportunity to see my Mamaw whenever I want and whenever I need to see her. I feel like I am losing a very close friend who I can talk to about anything. I feel like I am losing a mentor and discipler — although I know that I'm not, she's just going to Houston.

I know that she is only going 5 hours to the South, but it feels like a great distance for me. I have had the privledge to serve and care for her for many years as her primary caregiver. It has been my honor to give back to her a small part of what she has so graciously given to me — time, transportation, energy, an extra brain, love, care, errands, food, and so much more.

She spent the day in our home as movers were packing up her apartment in the assisted living facility. My middle child wanted to sleep in the same room with Mamaw — he's the sensitive one and has a strong connection to her. He just couldn't fall asleep and he came in crying to me because he was afraid that he would miss her in the morning (we're flying out early). Very few people in the world love us like Mamaw does and she has made an impact on my kids lives. He held me for awhile and told me that he wrote her a note and would I make sure that she saw it in the morning.

"Dear Mamaw,

I hope your move goes well. I eventually had to go to sleep upstairs. I'm praying for you Mamaw and love you. XOXO OXOXO OXOXO OXOXO OXOXO OXOXO [exact number of Xs and Os in his note]

Love, Cooper"